13 was yesterday
3 times the earth has been around the sun
and yet it feels i have not fully come undone
for the world to see,
for me to see.
4 years will go by 4 times and
in maturity’s stead, childish, unabridged anger
will continue to permeate from every cell
in my body. They had thought me to
flourish; all they will have is burnt ashes.
Do you taste lead on your tongue? It’s me.
From summer to monsoon to winter,
from leaves falling to growing,
from people coming and going:
i fumble to find the glorious teenage dream.
Unseen, obscene words overflowing from
the novels in my hand,
drool rolls down still, from my chin, when i am hooked within.
Paper cuts here, Paper cuts there.
Paper cuts enough to fill my hand for another day.
Death’s ethereal, warm embrace did not flounder; it wasn’t discriminatory: it took regardless of age, relation, love.
It took at night and it took in day,
It took from beside me, it took from miles away.
Bloated bodies, smelling of butchered rats, blood woven in like the touch of silk; I will shield my children from these stories.
My children will never cry in their room, hopeless and lonely.
I was promised fields of lavender crops,
I was promised feathers, and birds of a feather,
I was promised but I was not given.
I was not forgiven. I begged. Can you see me?
Another birthday,
another yearn to be loved everyday.
The pedestal of 16 is here to stay and yet
it’s fanfare remains far away.
I think I have been led astray,
because I swear 13 was yesterday.
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