13 was yesterday

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2 min read

13 was yesterday

3 times the earth has been around the sun

and yet it feels i have not fully come undone

for the world to see,

for me to see.

4 years will go by 4 times and 

in maturity’s stead, childish, unabridged anger

will continue to permeate from every cell

in my body. They had thought me to 

flourish; all they will have is burnt ashes.

Do you taste lead on your tongue? It’s me.

From summer to monsoon to winter,

from leaves falling to growing,

from people coming and going: 

i fumble to find the glorious teenage dream. 

Unseen, obscene words overflowing from

the novels in my hand,

drool rolls down still, from my chin, when i am hooked within. 

Paper cuts here, Paper cuts there. 

Paper cuts enough to fill my hand for another day. 

Death’s ethereal, warm embrace did not flounder; it wasn’t discriminatory: it took regardless of age, relation, love. 

It took at night and it took in day,

It took from beside me, it took from miles away.

Bloated bodies, smelling of butchered rats, blood woven in like the touch of silk; I will shield my children from these stories. 

My children will never cry in their room, hopeless and lonely. 

I was promised fields of lavender crops,

I was promised feathers, and birds of a feather,

I was promised but I was not given. 

I was not forgiven. I begged. Can you see me?

Another birthday,

another yearn to be loved everyday. 

The pedestal of 16 is here to stay and yet 

it’s fanfare remains far away. 

I think I have been led astray,

because I swear 13 was yesterday. 


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